No one has any right to tell someone else how to grieve. Some people tend to cry by nature more than others. There are different stages of grief, and whether they’re suffering from a breakup or a death, they will move through these stages at their comfort level.
Instead of telling them to dry it up, why not say something like, “You cry as much as you want and get it all out. My shoulder is always here if you need it.” By wording it this way, you offer a shoulder to cry on rather than telling them to get over it.
7. Let Me Know If There Is Anything I Can Do
When someone is brokenhearted, there’s a lot of people that ask them if there is anything that they can do for them. However, when someone’s mind is reeling from the loss, it’s hard for them to think in the moment of something they need. Additionally, this is a blanket statement that people use when they have nothing better to say.
It would be better to ask them specific things that you can do. You could say, “I can pick up your kids from school or bring over dinner a couple of nights this week.” Using this phrase, you’re giving them options and specifics, so they don’t have to strive hard to find some way for you to help them.
8. How Are You Doing?
Stop asking people how they’re doing. They’re brokenhearted and hurting, and they don’t need anyone to remind them of their pain. They may have got to the right place, and when you ask them this question, it reopens their grief.
Try saying something like, “You look like you’re doing much better, and it’s good to see you smile.” Using this kind of positive statement will let them know that they are okay and they’re going to make it.
9. You Knew This Was Going to Happen
Is there anything worse to say to a brokenhearted person than they knew it was going to happen? Life is all about risk, and you win somethings while you lose others. However, when you make this type of statement, it shifts the blame back onto them. That remorse is something they don’t need.
If they lost someone who was sick, you could say, “I am so sorry they were sick and suffered for so long.” If they lost love, you could say, “There are plenty of fish in the sea, and while it didn’t work out with this one, there will be someone else one day.”
10. You’re Handling This Better Than I Expected
The key to this statement is “I expected.” You’re basically telling them that you thought for sure that they would be a basket case with what they’re dealing with right now. If they’re doing good, you can certainly tell them and give them that positive reinforcement they need, but you don’t have to compliment and slam them in the same statement.
Try saying something like, “It’s okay if you’re not feeling so great. I am here for you.” Then you acknowledge that they’re having a rough time. Also, you’re reminding them that you’re there for them.
While a famous song states that you say it best when you say nothing, it certainly doesn’t apply to these situations. When someone’s heart is broken, they need all the love and support they can get. They don’t want you to avoid them or any conversations merely because you don’t have the right words.
It’s better to listen than speak in these instances, but the key is to be there. There are many different reasons why someone may be brokenhearted. So modify the phrases we mentioned above can to fit each specific case. The most important thing is not what you say but your actions.
You need to be there for your friend or loved one who is going through a rough time. You may not have the right words or say anything that makes them feel suddenly better. But you can do wonders by wrapping your arm around them and telling them how much you care. Don’t use common phrases that everyone says when they don’t have the right words, be there.