5 Behaviors That Reveal Toxic Positivity (And How to Fix It)

Toxic positivity is an excessive and ineffective overgeneralizing of positive thinking. It is the belief that one should always have positive thoughts and emotions and that anything less is unacceptable.

This thinking can lead to individuals suppressing negative emotions and not allowing themselves to process and cope with difficult experiences fully. As a result, toxic positivity can ultimately lead to an unhealthy mindset and unrealistic expectations of oneself. It can also lead to the invalidation of others’ feelings and experiences.

5 Behaviors That Often Reveal Toxic Positivity

1. Suppressing negative emotions: Individuals who engage in toxic positivity may try to suppress or ignore negative emotions such as sadness, anger, or frustration instead of allowing themselves to process and cope with difficult experiences fully.
2. Constantly putting on a happy face: People who participate in toxic positivity may always feel pressure to appear happy, even when facing adversity.
3. Invalidation of others’ feelings: People who engage in toxic positivity may dismiss, invalidate, or minimize the feelings of others, telling them to “just cheer up” or “look on the bright side.”
4. Refusing to seek help: People who display toxic positivity may resist seeking help for mental health or emotional issues, believing they should be able to handle everything on their own with a positive attitude.
5. Unrealistic expectations: People who engage in toxic positivity may create unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. Indeed, they could believe that life should always be positive and that negative experiences should be quick and easy to overcome.

What Causes Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity can stem from a variety of factors, including the following:

1. Societal pressure: There may be societal pressure always to appear happy and positive, leading individuals to feel like they need to suppress negative emotions to fit in.
2. Fear of vulnerability: Some individuals may engage in toxic positivity to avoid vulnerability, as expressing negative emotions can be uncomfortable and expose one’s weaknesses.
3. Lack of emotional intelligence: Some people may lack the emotional intelligence to process and cope with negative emotions and instead try to suppress them with positive thinking.
4. Trauma: Traumatic events can also cause toxic positivity, as people who have experienced traumatic events may try to suppress their negative emotions as a coping mechanism.
5. Confusion with healthy positivity: People may be confused between healthy and toxic positivity and think avoiding negative thoughts will make them more positive, but this can be harmful.

It’s important to note that these factors can influence individuals differently, and toxic positivity can manifest differently in different people.

Toxic Positivity Is a Hidden Form of Emotional Avoidance

In short, toxic positivity is a covert way to avoid dealing with painful emotions while hiding behind a facade of happiness.

Emotional avoidance can be dangerous because it prevents individuals from processing and healthily coping with difficult emotions. When people avoid dealing with their emotions, they may suppress them or push them down and out of their awareness, but those emotions will continue to exist. They can manifest in different ways, such as physical symptoms, addiction, or behavioral issues.

Some of the potential dangers of emotional avoidance include these consequences:

1. Increased stress: Avoiding emotions can lead to increased stress as the emotions build up without relief.
2. Interference with relationships: Emotional avoidance can cause difficulties in personal relationships as one may not be able to communicate effectively, empathize or form healthy connections with others.
3. Development of mental health issues: Avoiding negative thoughts can lead to the development of several mental health issues, including anxiety and depression, as well as perpetuate existing mental health conditions.
4. Physical health problems: Avoiding emotions can also lead to physical health problems, such as headaches, stomach pain, and high blood pressure.
5. Difficulty in problem-solving: Emotional avoidance can make making decisions, solving problems, and setting or achieving goals harder.

To avoid these dangers, individuals must learn healthy ways of dealing with their emotions, such as talking to someone, practicing mindfulness, or seeking therapy.

5 Phrases That May Reveal Toxic Positivity

The examples below show the pressure to suppress negative emotions and invalidate the individual’s feelings and experiences. These phrases can be harmful and prevent people from properly processing and coping with difficult situations.

It’s important to remember that it’s part of the human experience to have a range of emotions, including negative ones. So it is necessary and healthy to acknowledge and process them.

Doctors warn of the platitudes people often say if they engage in toxic positivity.

1. “Just think positive, and everything will be okay.”
2. “Don’t worry, be happy.”
3. “You shouldn’t feel sad, you should be grateful for what you have.”
4. “It’s not that bad, you should just move on.”
5. “You’re just overreacting, there’s nothing to be upset about.”

5 Ways to Acknowledge and Eliminate Negativity in a Healthy Manner

1. Use the RARE method to acknowledge and release your negative emotions: It is typical to have a range of emotions, including negative ones. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. So please do not try to suppress them with positive thinking. It is okay to acknowledge your sadness once in a while! Only then can you learn a lesson and let them go. The RARE method, developed by PoP Founder and CEO Kristen Butler, and explained in her best-selling book, 3 Minute Positivity Journal, can help. The acronym RARE signifies: Recognize, Accept, Redefine, and Evolve. It explains the four steps necessary for healing as follows:
   • R: Recognize your negative thought.
   • A: Accept the negativity at face value.
   • R: Redefine the situation. For instance, you might start to understand a life lesson you might take away.
   • E: Evolve, or become the best YOU.
2. Practice self-compassion and kindness: Be kind and understanding to yourself when you walk through difficult times. Recognize that it’s normal to have negative emotions and that everyone goes through difficult times.
3. Seek help: If you’re struggling with your emotions, don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with strategies for coping with difficult emotions and situations.
4. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people: Surround yourself with positive, supportive, and understanding people willing to listen to you when you need to talk.
5. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you remain present at the moment and acknowledge your emotions without judgment. This calm mindset can help you healthily process and cope with difficult emotions.

It’s important to note that implementing these strategies can take time and effort and may not be the solution for everyone. Seeking professional help can be the best way to break the toxic positivity cycle.

Final Thoughts on Toxic Positivity

The root cause of toxic positivity can be difficult to pinpoint as it can stem from various factors, including societal pressures, fear of vulnerability, lack of emotional intelligence, past traumatic experiences, and confusion between healthy and toxic positivity.

Societal pressures to always appear happy and positive can lead individuals to suppress negative emotions to fit in. Some people may engage in toxic positivity to avoid vulnerability, as expressing negative emotions can be uncomfortable and expose one’s weaknesses.

Individuals who lack emotional intelligence may not have the skills to process and cope with negative emotions. Instead, try to suppress them with positive thinking. Past traumatic experiences can also cause toxic positivity, as people who have experienced traumatic events may try to suppress their negative emotions as a coping mechanism.

Furthermore, some people may be confused between healthy positivity and toxic positivity, thinking that avoiding negative thoughts will make them more positive, but this can be harmful. Finally, it is crucial to acknowledge that toxic positivity can manifest differently in different people and that the root cause may be a combination of different factors.
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