Have you ever met someone emotionally immature? These people love to engage in blame-shifting, and they’re not much on taking responsibility for their actions.
Here is a significant difference. When someone is mature, they understand the fundamentals of building healthy relationships, but immature ones often have poor relationships skills.
Imagine a two-year-old and their ability to form relationships with others. They see the world through vastly different lenses as they lack understanding. They see people as those who cater to their every whim.
Sadly, the emotionally immature person often has the same view, but their age doesn’t agree with their mentality. Keep in mind that emotional immaturity takes numerous forms. However, one of the most identified types is developed when people cannot understand their own feelings.
Each person on this planet has a certain level of immaturity, but the mature points make up for the differences. Are there not times when you’re wise beyond your years, and at other times you seem to be a bit oblivious regarding matters. Some say that achieving emotional maturity comes from having emotional strength, which helps folks to remain balanced.
This Common Scenario Describesan Emotionally Immature Person
You’ve met the man or the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with. They seem charming, caring, and they check every box on your proverbial list. However, after being together for about six months, an argument turned quite nasty, and they called you an awful name.
You cringe at the reference, but you’ve chosen to forgive them. Suddenly, there’s a large sum of money missing from the checking account. They get angry when you go to visit your parents or have a night out with friends.
In fact, they seem to want to put you in a box now that you’ve committed. The person who was once so charming is now becoming unbearable to live with. They have no friends or family that comes around them, so they insist that you be with them at every moment.
You’re starting to feel smothered, but what do you do? You’re not the first person to be in situations like this. It’s the stuff that television movies are made about. Someone with an immature personality disorder is often considered to be a borderline personality, according to an article posted on the National Library of Medicine. If things turn sour quickly, you need to run fast to get away from this person.
Seven Traits of The Emotionally Immature Person
You must understand and be able to recognize the traits of someone emotionally immature. The signs that you see today will be the very thing that will interfere with a relationship tomorrow.
So, it can save you a lot of heartaches to be well informed. Here are the seven most common traits among these people.
1. They’re Inconsiderate and Selfish
One of the most significant red flags that someone lacks maturity is that they are selfish and inconsiderate of others. Do you know someone who thinks the whole world revolves around them? You don’t have time to baby such a person, as life is stressful enough.
This individual cannot seem to accomplish anything without help. They will refuse to take care of things; then, they will blame you for not handling the situation or their needs. You can quickly identify that they have some severe narcissistic traits going on.
The inconsiderate often have large egos, and they will develop their own beliefs whether they’re right or not. This person needs to break free of the chains of their ego that bind them, and it’s impossible to have any affiliation with them until there is change. They must learn to take responsibility for their actions.
2. They Will Never Say “I’m Sorry
It’s a challenging struggle for someone who lacks the maturity to say they’re sorry. Even if they’re clearly in the wrong, and they know it, they will do everything in their power to keep from saying these words. Instead, they would push the blame onto you for why they acted the way they did or said such things.
A mature person can admit they’re wrong, strive to make changes to fix the error and communicate about the issue. Each person is responsible for the things they say and do, regardless of who triggered them. The egocentric doesn’t like to apologize or ask for forgiveness because they love to play the martyr and pretend they’re not at fault.
3. They’re Verbally Abusive
Since this person has little regard for the feelings of those around them, they tend to be quite verbally abusive. They don’t care if they say things that will hurt or upset you, as long as they get their point across. The crux of the issue is that they have a lack of expression, or they don’t know how to communicate effectively.
Have you ever heard someone who curses with every other word? This person likely lacks the verbal capacity to communicate their feelings effectively. These folks go to extreme measures to get their point across, and it can be a real issue if you’re in a relationship with them. Never engage in a verbal war, as they need time to cool off.
In a Psychology Today article, clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D., notes that adults lack problem-solving skills and resort to tactics like name-calling and bullying.
4. They’re Extremely Defensive
The selfish person has many defense mechanisms in their arsenal. Since they like to avoid conflicts or get to the bottom of an issue, they will use whatever tactics they can. Even if they know they’re wrong, they will still argue with you till they’re blue in the face that they didn’t do it.
They’re defensive, and you will especially see this trait come out when things are not in their favor. Their defense mechanisms are a significant part of how they suppress their emotional consciousness. Some might protest so loudly that they believe they didn’t do the act, even though they know deep down they’re guilty.
5. They Spend Impulsively
The emotionally immature should never be in charge of finances, as they often have impulse control issues that defy rationale. They will have no qualms spending the bill money for a night on the town or to satisfy their needs. However, when it’s time for the rent, electric, and water bills to be paid, they will suddenly want to get close to friends and family members they blew off previously.
They spend money like there’s no tomorrow, which is why they’re likely to have lived in several homes, have evictions on their record, and have charged off checking accounts. Their impulsivity is a driving force for why they’re in debt. If you marry or are in a long-term relationship with this person, you should handle the finances unless you want to live in poverty.
6. They Have Few Relationships with Friends or Family
Troubled relationships are quite normal among the immature crowd. Due to their selfish nature, they often rub people the wrong way. Even their relatives have marked them and have little to do with them.
Since their desire to be the center of attention overshadows everything else, many people don’t like their attitude and overall demeanor. When they’re in a relationship, they will insist that their partner spends all their time with them rather than going out with friends and relatives.
Because they don’t have those close inner personal relationships, they won’t want their partner to have them. If all the focus isn’t on them, then they can become quite resentful. Healthy relationships should have time together as well as some time apart.
Maturity allows someone to understand that it’s okay to have some independence to have a well-rounded life. However, the emotional immaturity of this person doesn’t allow for such things.
7. They Gaslight Others
Since nothing is their fault, they don’t like to be cornered. Should you be in a relationship and start figuring out the error of their ways, they will turn it around on you. They will do everything they can to make you question your sanity so that you will turn the focus off them.
This person can be pretty devious and selfish, so they don’t care to hurt you. The goal is to preserve themselves in the matter, and they don’t care about you at all. The emotionally immature has a lot of characteristics that cross with the narcissist.
According to the National Library of Medicine, a narcissist is a person who lacks empathy, needs admiration, and has a grandiose view of themselves. It’s easy to see how the immature and the narcissist definitions intermingle.
Final Thoughts on Dealing With an Emotionally Immature Person
According to the Cleveland Clinic, thirteen different personality disorders exist. The immature person can fit into several categories, and they are challenging at best. Thankfully, you can use this list to help you reveal red flags that warn you that you should avoid this relationship.
Given the time and chance, someone who is selfish and inconsiderate can really mess you up emotionally. Their emotional immaturity dictates their life, and it can make yours unbearable.
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