Putting others down means judging them. It’s not uncommon for someone’s judgment to be an automatic or knee-jerk response. It’s true that in many cases, the capacity for positive empathy has to be learned if it is not genetically present from the start. But there’s no better time to start learning than now!
The key to this is realizing that you don’t know someone’s story. You don’t know what they go through, how they feel, or what they thought when they did something odd or unusual. You need to replace those thoughts with other ones by catching the judgments and stopping them. Here are some examples of empathetic replacement statements:
- Judgment: “Wow, they’re very heavy. They must be unhealthy.”
Empathy: “They may be going through a rough patch, may have a medical condition, or maybe their main focus isn’t on their weight right now. They deserve basic respect and decency, regardless of size.”
- Judgment: “I can’t believe they would just let their kid throw a fit in public.”
Empathy: “Parenting is such a difficult job, and kids have tantrums for all sorts of reasons. They look like they’re doing their best to handle the situation!”
- Judgment: “They seriously didn’t do this correctly again? They’re definitely not trying hard enough!”
Empathy: “Different people have different learning speeds and styles. Maybe this hasn’t been explained to them in a way that they understand! I should talk to them about this.”
2. Be Motivated By Others
Instead of looking for reasons to scoff at others, search for reasons to be motivated by others. In other words, seek out the good in people! Find things you admire about them and that is positive about them, then use this as inspiration to drive yourself forward. You’ll find that you experience a much brighter life when you have this perspective, and this is a mark of high self-esteem. For example:
- Take note of the leadership skills of your manager, who you usually look down on for being strict
- Compliment your friend’s best qualities and seek to learn from them instead of scoffing at their weaknesses
- Be inspired by the business drive of someone you usually roll your eyes at for showing off their designer clothes on social media
3. Stop Considering Differences As Bad Things
People are different and unique. The world is full of individuals who aren’t like you. That’s just a fact of life, and it doesn’t mean they are better than, worse than, or even requiring comparison to you.
Diversity is a beautiful thing, and the world would be terribly boring if everyone were the same. Try learning and internalizing these facts:
- What works for one person will not work for another.
- People respond to events and circumstances in different ways.
- An inability to understand someone’s point of view doesn’t make that point of view bad.
- Uniqueness isn’t a personal attack on you.
- Differences aren’t a sign that something is wrong.
- The world’s ideas of “normal” are arbitrary and don’t need to be abided by
4. Be Kinder To Yourself
At the end of the day, the way you talk about and look at others is often a projection of how you talk about and look at yourself. So if you find yourself always putting down others, it’s likely that you put yourself down – and you deserve better than that!
Learn to refocus the way you perceive yourself and others at the same time by being more compassionate to yourself. Change the way you think about and talk about yourself. Here are some examples:
- Negative thought: “I may be awful at this, but at least they’re worse than I am.”
Re-focused thought: “I have my fair share of flaws and weaknesses, and so do they. We also both have our own strengths where we can shine!”
- Negative thought: “I’m such a lazy person. Luckily, I still do more work than them.”
Re-focused thought: “I’ve been struggling with these tasks and need to get to the bottom of why. Am I overwhelmed? Do I need a break? Maybe they do too!”
- Negative thought: “I can’t believe I made such a bad mistake. Well, they made an even worse one last month, so we’re even.”
Re-focused thought: “Mistakes are normal, and everyone makes them! A little embarrassment is worth the lesson I’ve learned.”
Final Thoughts On How Looking Down On Others Destroys Your Self-Esteem And How To Stop It
The way you treat others is often a reflection of your character and mental state. And, beyond just that, it’s also simply cruel, unfair, and rude to look down on the people around you. Respect others, and you’ll find that respecting yourself comes much more easily!