Picture this: it’s 7pm on a Friday and, after a long workweek, you’re ready to enjoy a delicious dessert before tucking into bed. Maybe you have a thrilling page-turner to read or a favorite TV show to catch up on. *Ding* Your phone chimes with an invite for a late-night get-together with friends.
You feel torn—on the one hand, you’re tired and the last thing you want to do is change out of your comfy pajamas. On the other hand, you would feel guilty declining and don’t want to miss out on any fun. The solution is surprisingly simple: ditch your fear of missing out (FOMO) and embrace the feeling of relief that comes from choosing yourself.
What is JOMO?
Meaning the exact opposite of FOMO, the term JOMO is spreading across social media. The joy of missing out means finding contentment from saying no to activities you don’t want to partake in and, instead, prioritizing what brings you joy. For example, I usually decline late-night events and choose to spend time at home having a cozy read.
Embracing JOMO takes the pressure off and pushes back on the feeling that you need to say yes to everyone and everything. Especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed by social plans, this coping mechanism can help you be more thoughtful with your time and deciding how to spend it. We all have busy lives, so give yourself permission to spend your “extra” time doing things you enjoy.
Tips to turn FOMO into JOMO
Here’s how to make missing out on activities something to enjoy instead of something to fear.
Learn to say no. A “maybe” is a “yes” that you’ll have to cancel later. Setting boundaries gets easier the more you practice and, as you prioritize your needs, you’ll end up gaining more and more confidence.
Don’t overcommit. When you receive an invitation, evaluate your capacity and be clear in the moment: that way, you won’t get stressed later when you need to decline several events at the last minute. Your future self will thank you.
Take a social media break. To avoid anxious or regretful feelings, disconnect from social media for a set period of time (like when the event you’re missing is taking place). Be especially careful not to doomscroll, endlessly browsing social media and comparing your life to others. Research shows that doomscrolling can be harmful to your mental health, and that limiting the use of social media can significantly decrease anxiety.
To be considerate, make sure to acknowledge the invitation (no message ghosting!) and thank the person inviting to show appreciation. Still have feelings of FOMO? Plan a future get-together at a time or with an activity that works better for you.
Benefits of JOMO
When you embrace JOMO, you’re fostering a better relationship with yourself and with others, too. Your friends can tell when your heart isn’t into an event, and you might end up blaming the person who invited you.
Another reason to encourage yourself to feel joy about missing out is that embracing solitary relaxation has been shown to both increase creativity and lessen stress.
And, if you’re an early bird like me, saying no means you’re likely to go to bed earlier and sleep better than if you were to go out.
Is there such a thing as too much JOMO?
If you’re struggling with feelings of sadness or anxiety more generally, JOMO may or may not be right for you. I need time to rest by myself but, when I am looking to lift my mood, I know I also need to challenge myself to go out and see friends and family. If dealing with depression, self-isolating does more harm than good: consider talking to a trusted loved one or therapist for support.