February 2, 2021 7 min read
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
In a world that exhibits success as if it were a trophy, many people see themselves reflected in that apparent reality as if it were the goal to be achieved. However, what we call “success” has a very personal measure: for some people it will be having money, fame, prestige, material goods; and for others being good parents, having good intentions, or being someone trustworthy, for example.
When someone feels unhappy in front of what others exhibit, it is because the mechanism of comparison is activated internally.
By comparing yourself you always lose, because, first of all, parts of a very low step of the potential that you could achieve if you wanted to expand; And then, you visualize someone else’s process versus yours without knowing how it is in detail and you are left with the first impression that others project, without questioning it or thinking. This triggers an unconscious mechanism that diminishes you in front of others.
For example, when talking about material achievements on social media in the “before and after” or “from poor to millionaires” style, there is a gap in the middle that makes many people feel disadvantaged because they automatically think they have not been touched. with the “magic wand” of good fortune, and they feel miserable just seeing one of those images on the Internet.
As Alex Rovira and Fernando Trias de Bes explain in their book “ Good luck ”, “If you don’t have Good Luck now, maybe it’s because the circumstances are the same as always. For Good Luck to come, it is convenient to create new circumstances. “
If you want to achieve other types of results for yourself, instead of feeling unhappy, you need to consistently do something exactly the opposite of what you do, starting with changing your mental model, which defines your thinking model.
Image: Tim Gouw via Unsplash
How to stop comparing yourself
Comparing yourself is directly related to low self-esteem -the appreciation you have for yourself- and to the fact that you have an excessive gaze on others -and it is on that image that you compare your reality-. By doing so you totally limit the possibilities of building something better for yourself.
The effect is that you feel worse every day, and there appears an internal decree, that little inner voice that tells you “I am unhappy or unhappy.” You may feel that way, although in truth, affirming “I am like this” is one of the most powerful limiting thoughts.
Why? Essentially because, by thinking in this way, the subconscious mind puts itself in the role of victim, and discourages any possibility of improvement, since you create an anchor based on the dynamics of complaint and regret. All this leads you to not enjoy your own achievements, no matter how small you may consider them: there is always something good to rescue.
Of course, it is very good to admire the positive and outstanding traits of other people that serve as inspiration and motivation for you. Do it constantly to improve yourself!
Remember that the only valid point of comparison is with yourself, and how what you did yesterday determines a new point of growth today. Life is not a competition: it is to live it and each one is discovering their own experiences.
5 keys to living a success for you
A good starting point is to stop consuming all kinds of materials that encourage comparison, from physical appearance to material achievement, since they generally go along that line.
Next, focus on making constant improvements in your own life, without pretending. This will save you large amounts of disappointment, frustration and unnecessary suffering.
You can build your own mirror where you can reflect; a consistent and congruent mirror; with a self image that you work from within, and not validated only by the external.
Self-image is the internal perception you have about who you are, what you do, your behaviors, achievements and life experiences. If you choose to visualize yourself in an unfortunate way, as you submit yourself to a ruthless self-criticism in front of your surroundings, you may feel that your self-image is diminished compared to what you interpret from what other people show.
At first glance it might seem like envy, although deep down it is a sense of diminished self-worth and self-esteem. When you manage to stop comparing yourself, you conquer a life of greater freedom, fulfillment and awareness.
Here, five keys:
1. Compare your timeline. It is about observing the life you lead as a line from the moment you are born to the present. Identify the milestones that marked it and that you interpret as important and acknowledge yourself with gratitude for the progress you are making: it is essential to feel better.
2. Delve into your areas to improve. Highlight those that have allowed you to grow in different areas. Empower those that are still missing, with conscious experiences that bring more of those moments to your current life.
3. Set goals and stick to them. The improvement process based on “comparing yourself” with yourself by analyzing the different stages of life is permanent, and it is nourished by small goals that you set for yourself. Identify them, design the action plan, follow them and see how your life changes.
4. Avert your unconscious gaze to others. When you are tempted to compare yourself, be aware of that attitude, and focus on yourself and where you need to stay focused to improve. In life the mold of others does not serve to make your experience, just as no one can do it for you. A good form of support is to recognize yourself for every aspect that you are polishing and improving in the work of art that is your life.
5. Be mindful of the present. Although connecting with your past to observe the experiences that brought you to the present is a valid tool, do not stop only in the comparison with who you were: you need to connect here and now, so as not to be distracted from what the internal change will mark. Actions to stop comparing yourself to others are here and now.
In the end, the comparison appears due to the lack of confidence in you, in the skills you have and how to put them to work. Steve Furtick said: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes to the most prominent film of all the others.”
So now you know: start shooting your best movie right now, stop comparing yourself. Practice enough and you will start to see results.